My bff is getting married at the end of the month! I can hardly believe how quickly the time has gone. I’m really looking forward to it. It will be Dan and my first night away together without Isabel! I can’t believe we haven’t had a night out in over two years, besides a dinner here or there. We’ve put Isabel to bed every… single… night.
I had fun sewing a little bridal lingerie for my Abbey. She requested the grey lace set (garterbelt not shown), but I wanted to make something pretty for over top. I fell in love with this silk cotton voile when I came across it at my local fabric store. I just love the print and colour.
I actually used a pattern for this robe! It was Vogue 9218. Not much to say about it really. It was a very simple robe. I added a cotton lace tassel trim to the hem and sleeve.
I am excited but also nervous about our first night away. I’ve found that my anxiety/depression has really been creeping back in over the last month or so, and my mind goes to all of these terrible “what if” scenarios about leaving Isabel in the care of someone else. Coming to the realization that I’m going to constantly be taking steps to prevent my brain from going to “that dark place” is rough… It took so much work to get out of that paralyzing anxiety I was feeling last spring. I’ve felt myself slipping into that spinning, out of control feeling, which really sucks. But I don’t feel paralyzed the way I did last time. My nightmares have been sneaking back in, but for the most part, I find I can get back to sleep again. Over the winter I wasn’t able to get out running, but I’ve picked it up again over the last couple of weeks. It helps. Talking helps. Writing helps.
I’ve had a couple of things happen recently that brought me back to earlier times in my life when things were not nearly so good or stable or safe. That definitely has shaken the mental stability I’ve built over the last year. I’m so proud of the life I have built and my beautiful brand and my amazing daughter, but it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had situations happen in my past where my safety was seriously threatened and I’m just coming to terms now with the impact that has had on my life. On one hand, these experiences have left me with the ability to feel deep empathy for others, which I think is a strength. But on the other hand, it can weigh you down with a lot of fear and sadness.
This is life! Not always good, not always bad. Sometimes it just chugs along. The good news is that when I feel myself slipping and spiralling downwards now I can notice it and start doing all of those things that I did before to help myself get out of the spiral. I felt so silly in therapy sometimes. It feels like our thoughts and emotions should be something that comes naturally, but it’s not! Managing them takes practice… and for some of us it takes more work than others.
I wish we could talk about mental health the way we talk about other physical illnesses. I feel so silly when I say “I have anxiety”. It doesn’t’ sound like a big deal, and until it started actually impacting my life, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t get why people couldn’t just deal with it. And then it happened to me… all of those experiences in my life combined with an over anxious mind paralyzed me. And now I feel on a constant cycle of checking my stability and taking active measures (along with daily medication) to maintain a sense of stability. I wish I could explain to people who have passed in and out of my life why I have been the way I have been at times…
Just a friendly reminder, if you are feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of anxiety or depression, please reach out for help. Your family doctor is a good place to start, but even talking to someone you can trust like a friend or family member helps!
12 Comments
Anya
April 7, 2017 at 8:48 pmI love how openly and honestly you talk about your experiences with anxiety! I agree with you, I am looking forward to the day when we can talk about it just like a physical illness. It is what it is. And even if mental health is not something we can easily spot just by looking at someone, it doesn’t meant it’s effects on our lives are lessened. I also live with anxiety and good medication, supportive friends and great therapist are so helpful! Some days are better than others and that’s okay.
Have fun on your fist night out and I am sure everything will go well!
Melody A.
April 8, 2017 at 12:41 amWhat a beautiful gift for your friend’s wedding! the pieces are stunning as all your creations are. Mental health issues are tough ones but Anya and you are so right, it will be good when we can talk about it like we discuss have a physical problem.. It is certainly better now than it was when I was young, I am 59. So have a wonderful time and how sweet it is to be with your husband alone !!
hugs to you, from Iowa
susan donachie
April 8, 2017 at 12:27 pmI too have suffered with anxiety for years now, ut, I do talk about it!!. Sometimes I get that… pull yourself together look, other times people are just glad to talk about their own troubles with it. I t is so common these days that we should’nt feel like outcasts frightened to speak up. Shout it out and be proud that you are dealing each and every day!!!!, be proud of how far you have come, even if it’s a battle which can catch you out sometimes, every little victory counts as a win in my eyes. So well done for your honesty on here and hugs for future wins xx
Alexa
April 8, 2017 at 6:58 pmWhat a gorgeous lingerie set. I love that you’re talking about your mental health in this forum. I find this really normalising, it’s something that happens to everyone and in all worlds.
K-Line
April 8, 2017 at 9:31 pmWow – your friend is going to love this for a long time! And I can relate to your anxiety condition because I have one of my own, though mine did not come after a traumatizing experience the likes of which you describe. What I’ll say, and I’m 46, is that it does get better as you get older because you know yourself better and you’ve had longer to learn and apply management techniques. Anxiety, you may come to find, is its own kind of gift. It’s integral to who you are. It shapes how you live your life, which is what has brought you many wonderful things. You will find a detente with it over time. You are already on the right track. But the path isn’t linear. Even as things improve, you will have flare ups (I think of anxiety like osteoarthritis. It’s chronic, but it’s very manageable with a constant amount of effort.) Also, anxiety for me was particularly bad when I had a young child, exacerbated, no doubt, by chronic sleep-deprivation, crazy hormones and a marathon pace. The lifestyle you have (young child, busy business) is tough! It will get easier and that will reflect itself in a subsiding of anxiety, I’m optimisitic.
sarah.e.norwood@gmail.com
April 8, 2017 at 11:29 pmThe sleep deprivation really exacerbates it. I suffered from chronic insomnia and for the first time in recent memory actually sleep through the night most nights now! I don’t know how I managed to get through the day before…
Abigail
April 10, 2017 at 2:17 pmI love your creations and I love your openness about your battle with anxiety, and I think what you are doing, writing about it, is the best way to make the conversation part of everyone’s daily lives…so many people suffer in silence and struggle alone and if people continue to talk about their mental health issues then hopefully as a society we can listen, and help, and share. Take care and have a great time away with your husband and enjoy your friends wedding. sending hugs and prayers to you.
Anna
April 10, 2017 at 11:39 pmThanks for sharing this! I also suffer from anxiety and depression…I think openly talking about it normalizes it, but I don’t do that often enough.
Carla
April 11, 2017 at 4:55 amFirst, your friend is seriously lucky to get such a GORGEOUS bridal set from you, omg!
Second, fellow anxiety sufferer (haver???)It DOES suck, and it gets really freaking weird, but know you’ve got a huge cheering squad behind you, Sarah
Bekki
April 13, 2017 at 9:52 pmTaboo around mental health is one of my pet hates. I’ve heard people say horrible things about people with mental health problems -as though they’re doing it on purpose! Then, I have a physical health problem that people have implied I’m making up or doing to myself. Sometimes people need to feel it themselves before they feel empathy. I really appreciate how eloquently you can talk about your own experience of mental health issues, so please do keep sharing.
I love that kimono and the grey set. Beautiful. x
Heather Gibson
May 6, 2017 at 5:33 pmFirst of all, this is a gorgeous set and what a lovely gift! So much love! I hope you had a great night away and lovely time at the wedding.
Second, I admire your bravery and your honesty so much Sarah! I have loved how openly you have shared your journey, not just with anxiety and depression, but with everything. Anxiety, and any mental health issue really, is so hard, because so many people what to sweep it under the rug, pretend it’s not happening, and not talk about. Sometimes I think that you don’t always know that they way you feel isn’t “normal”. For so long, I thought that my worrying, and anxiety meant that I cared more than other people, and people just told me I was super sensitive (which is true on top of my anxiety). I didn’t realize that it was not how everyone was or thought. I was losing sleep, and constantly focusing on the worst case scenario, and I still do it sometimes. It’s really hard to re-train your brain and break out of those thought patterns, and triggers can pop up without even knowing it. Anyway, all of this is just me trying to say, that I understand. I’m so glad you have found some tools that have worked for you and that you are able to talk about it and reach out when you need too. Thinking of you lots and sending you lots of love.
Heather Gibson
May 6, 2017 at 5:34 pmSorry, just re-read my comment and it is filled with typos. Ugh!