Everything happens at once

Well, it happened! I’m pregnant and Isabel is a very excited soon-to-be big sister. Baby #2 is due in July, which means I’ll be taking a bit of time off this summer. With Isabel, I was really eager to get back to work, but as last time, I’m going to play my maternity leave by ear. I’m fortunate enough to have that ability.

This pregnancy has been very different than when I was pregnant with Isabel. The first 3 months were very rough and I felt very sick and tired. On top of work being very busy, it was a very trying time… but I’m through the worst of it now and am back to feeling like a regular, albeit achy, human again.

I sometimes I feel apprehensive talking about pregnancy as I know it can be a really triggering subject for anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss or infertility. We lost a baby to a missed miscarriage before Isabel, and I have PCOS which has made it more difficult to get pregnant, but here we are. If you are struggling, I am sorry. I’m always open to lending a listening ear. After my loss, I needed to hide all baby-related news from my social media feed, so I can understand that feeling.

Anyway, that’s my happy news.

Of course, as life goes, a whole bunch of other shit has hit the fan in the meantime. My dad was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago with a severe case of influenza. He has spent the last two weeks sedated and on a ventilator. Today he started breathing on his own again. They suspect he may have COPD in addition to the hell influenza inflicts on a body, but I still want to take this time to urge you to please get a flu shot. Vaccination is something I’m really truly passionate about. It may sound like a weird passion, but I remember hearing my grandma talk about the Spanish Flu epidemic, and measles and the fear of polio… and we are so luck to have these vaccines. Seeing what the flu has done to my dad has really been an eye opener for me. In Canada, it is free and you can even get it from a pharmacist. Isabel was able to get her flu vaccine through nasal mist at our doctors office. No needle required!

Ok, that’s the end of my public service announcement.

I’m not entirely sure if I’ve talked about it here before, but my brother is an addict. He has been for years. He has had some good periods, where he was clean and stable and I’ve felt so incredibly proud of him, but right now is not one of those times. I have been hesitant to bring it up for privacy reasons, but I feel like talking about it is important. I know we are not the only family dealing with this. And if we can talk about it, maybe it will make it easier to get help.

My brother lives with my parents, and although I have gotten to the place in our relationship where I can detach from him with love when he is not well, it’s not as easy for my mom and dad… The hard part about being the sibling of an addict is that you get to sit back and helplessly watch your entire family suffer. Your sibling destroys their own life piece by piece through misguided judgement, and your parents lives crumble as well as they try to pick up the pieces. Isabel misses out on spending more time with her grandparents because “home” is a volatile place when a drug user is around, and she misses out on having a really awesome uncle. It’s a pain that just lingers in the back of your conscience and spreads it’s roots through your entire families life.

Addiction inevitably leads to brushes with the law, of which my brother has had many. He’s working through the court system as we speak. I know this is so hard on my parents. I see how it wears them down physically, emotionally, financially. They are not at the point where they have been able to detach from his problems, and that makes me sad. Sad and frustrated. As insidious as the drugs themselves are, it’s also pretty easy to become addicted to “helping” the addict.

One of the hardest things about living with addiction is the constant fear of the unknown. What bad news will the next phone call bring? You begin to constantly be waiting for the next terrible thing that’s lurking just behind the corner. You are constantly on edge.

I’m hoping that this health scare with my dad will help everyone reevaluate what is important. I’m not sure there is help for my brother at this point, but I do hope my parents can realize that my brothers problems do not have to be their problems. We can support and love my brother when he is ready to be well, but we can’t allow addiction to tear us apart too. If and when he does want help, he will need us to be strong, and as it’s going now, my parents won’t last much longer. I seriously worry that the stress will kill them.

Living in a small town, it’s hard to know where to turn to get help. I’m considering going to Al-anon. It’s taken me a long time but I’ve realized that I can’t help him. I can only try to heal myself.

This has really been weighing on my family. I feel guilty bringing it up, but I also feel like it’s really overshadowed my pregnancy, which should be a joyous time for all of us. I don’t put blame on anyone and am empathetic, but it’s just another example of how addiction can take over the lives of everyone around the addict.

So, I’m going to end this on a happy note, because that is where I want to be. A lot of positive things are happening in my life. I sometimes (ok, often) feel guilty, or like I need to downplay my successes because of the situation with my brother, but I’m done doing that. I’ve worked hard for the good things I have in life. Lingerie sales are booming. In fact, they were up by nearly 200% this holiday season! That means I have been one very busy woman. And a busy lingerie-maker is a happy (and tired) lingerie-maker. I’m also working on a maternity/nursing bra and panty pattern (I’m wearing the undies right now!) and have a few other things up my sleeve. And, I am ridiculously excited to find out whether we will be having a boy or a girl baby for the most frivolous reason… I want to do some baby sewing and get the nursery ready! So, feel free to spam me with your favourite baby sewing projects. I really want to make a few swaddle blankets and a baby nest as well as a snuggly minky blanket.