How do you make a come back?

So… It’s been a while!

I’d be lying if I said the last year was ok. It hasn’t been… and yet I’m still one of the lucky ones, having not been directly effected my Covid.

I say not “directly” effected because the pandemic HAS effected myself and my family. In March 2020, the government here closed schools… the reopened in September for a bit… but we experienced frequent disruptions whenever Isabel or another family member got a cold. In December schools closed again, and then again they closed in April and our kids haven’t returned. They won’t return until September 2021. Instead, we’ve been doing “online learning,” which is a challenge when you have younger children. Isabel is 6. She needs someone to help manage her 3-4 meetings a day, motivate and help her do school work, and also organize fun activities. Daycares also have been closed so I’ve been chasing around my soon-to-be 2 year old.

As a mechanic, my partner is an “essential worker” so he has been out of the home 5-days a week. He has managed to take an extra day off so I can stay on top of basic operations and have some sort of an income, but the lack of working, the lack of socializing, the lack of anything NEW has really effected me. It’s been depressing, frustrating, monotonous… creativity crushing.

Dan and I have now both received the first dose of our vaccines as have pretty much all of our grown-up loved ones. I’ve finally been able to comfortably visit with my parents. My kids and I have missed them so much.

I’ve definitely been in survival mode over the past year and a bit, making sure my kids are happy and healthy. Staying on top of education and playtime, which is so important at their ages. At this point, I’m pretty tired. Because of Lila’s VLCAD I still need to get her up during the night to eat so I haven’t had an 8 hour sleep in 2 years. I’m experiencing parenting burnout. I haven’t been away from my kids in such a long time. There is so much truth in the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I hate even saying “it’s been tough,” because I know we’ve been in a better situation than most, but we’ve still taken our hits financially, mentally, and even physically over the past year.

So now I’m trying to come back, and THAT is scary. When you’ve had to involuntarily drop off the radar for such a long time, it feels so intimidating to jump back in. But here I am.

I’ve quietly posted a couple new videos on YouTube, and some new sleep masks. I have great plans for a brand new lingerie collection featuring some exclusive and unique prints that I have designed and sourced… But it will take time. I am not a patient person, so that is hard for me.