Browsing Tag

Relationship

Alone again.

Uncategorized February 28, 2010

Dan left this afternoon, just after 3 pm. It’s been harder than I anticipated. I’m finding myself randomly bursting into tears while turning on the sconce light that Dan fixed, or walking the dog and coming into an empty apartment, cooking dinner and having a pot full of left overs and no one to say “This is really good, thanks honey,” in between mouth fulls. He missed a good dinner tonight, fresh marinara sauce.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it is so hard. We spent a year only seeing each other on weekends, and we were okay. I just want this so bad, and now that I’ve had a taste, it’s really hard to go back. The worst part, though, is just being alone. Far from my family, far from Dan, far from so many things I love.

I should try to sew, but everything just feels so much more difficult. I finished a pair of ruffled panties, and started a matching soft-bra. I need to finish a cup and just assemble it… instead I think I will soak in a bath and snuggle down with Oliver and Great Expectations for the night.

I don’t want to get into an empty bed.

Four More Days

Uncategorized February 25, 2010

Yesterday was Dan’s (actual) Birthday. Since I have no money, it was pretty relaxed. We made dinner together, had cupcakes from Flour Bakery, and spent the rest of the evening watching movies, and relaxing. It was nice, I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.

I haven’t touched my sewing machine since Sunday. Monday, I drafted a new pantie pattern for some beige tricot I picked up. Tuesday, Dan and I discussed our One Year Plan and made some pretty big decisions that involve a move for one of us. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to stop talking about the life that I want, and just start living it. I think we all have visions of how things could be ideally, but we keep putting the steps to getting there off until tomorrow. I’m getting old, Dan is getting older, I don’t want to wait anymore. I’m very impatient.

It’s almost time for Dan to leave. I’m feeling really unsettled about this. We became comfortable way too quickly here, and I don’t handle change well. We have a plan, but it’s scary and involves a lot of change. I am excited about it but scared parts of our plan won’t work out. What if one of us can’t find work? What if…? What if…?